Sorry, George, But It's Just Not Working Out...

It's a little-known fact that the American colonies actually declared their independence from the British empire on July 2, 1776. However, this declaration was not approved until July 4, 1776. Only two founding fathers signed the declaration that day: John Hancock and Charles Thomson. John Adams wrote, "The 2nd of July will be a memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival."

Colonel John Nixon gave the first public reading of the Declaration of Independence on July 8, 1776, to a crowd at Independence Square in Philadelphia. The Declaration of Independence was read aloud to George Washington and his troops in New York City on July 9, 1776. The crowd gathering there became so excited upon hearing the Declaration that a statue of King George was torn from its pedestal and melted into 42,000 patriot bullets.

The names of the signers of the Declaration of Independence were withheld from the public until 1777, because their treasonable act would result in death if the Revolution were unsuccessful. Nonetheless, five signers were captured by the British and brutally tortured as traitors. Nine fought in the War for Independence and died from wounds or from hardships they suffered. Two lost their sons in the Continental Army. Another two had sons captured, and the British pillaged and burned the homes of at least a dozen of the fifty-six signers.

Today, America honors the sacrifices of these revolutionaries by filling its fat collective gut with beer and red meat, yelling at television sets purchased with fiat currency and bloated credit. Declare your independence from freedom! Death of the Republic sale going on now at McBeastly's! EVERYTHING MUST GO!!!



More 4th of July Festivities:

Freaky Secrets of the Presidency The "Zero Factor," presidential prophecies, George Washington's marijuana harvest and more. U.S. History Fact-O-Rama Conspiracies, contradictions and little-known facts about the good ol' U.S. of A.

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